Other People's Pets
by ABadPlanWellExecuted
Summary: Rose decides to keep the Dalek instead of Adam. The Doctor is not amused.  Absolutely cracktacular!
1. How Much Is That Dalek In The Window?

"ROSE…GIVE ME ORDERS…ORDER ME TO DIE," croaked the Dalek from within its metal armor, one tiny shaft of sunlight illuminating its tiny, octopus-like body. From across the room, the Doctor looked on, stunned.

"I can't do that," said Rose, shaking her head. "Suicide's never the answer. You've got to give life a chance." And with that, she reached into the metal casing of the Dalek.

"Rose, no!" shouted the Doctor as he realized what she was doing. "There could be traps…" But he trailed off as Rose successfully detached the living Dalek from the metal shell and pulled it out.

"There, isn't that better already?" she asked the hideous mutation in her arms. When it didn't answer, she frowned. "What's wrong? Are you all right?"

The Doctor tried to get his mouth working again as he stared aghast at his companion cuddling a Dalek. "It needs the metal casing to speak," he finally managed.

"Oh," said Rose, biting her lip. She peered into the machine. "D'you think we detach part of it?" she asked. But meanwhile, the creature in her arms stretched a tentacle toward one of her hands. Rose allowed it to curl around her finger (much to the Doctor's horror).

"Oh," she said again, happy this time. "He can speak with his mind. Like telepathy, yeah?" she asked the Doctor. "But it has to be touching."

"Uh," said the Doctor, trying to tear his gaze away from the monstrous octopus currently twining its tentacle around Rose's right hand. "I suppose."

The Dalek made an unpleasant wheezing sound as it blinked up at Rose.

"So, um, Rose," said the Doctor uncomfortably. "What are you planning on…doing with it?"

"We'll take it with us, of course," answered Rose serenely. "Can't let it kill itself. That'd be terrible—right, Doctor?" She looked up at him with her horribly innocent and trusting brown eyes. "Besides, it has my DNA now, yeah? So it's practically family."

When the Doctor appeared too stunned to answer, she started to pick her way over the rubble toward the exit leading down to where the TARDIS waited.

"Wait, Rose, no!" said the Doctor, finding his voice at last. "We can't take it with us! It's a Dalek, Rose. A DALEK." He folded his arms and gave her a stern glare. "I'll not have it on the TARDIS."

Rose's lips tightened, and she glared right back at him. "So, what, you just want to kill it?" she asked. "Want to get your gun and put it out of its misery? Or just leave it here to die?" She wrapped her arms around the Dalek protectively. "It's changing, learning to be kind and merciful. Shouldn't we give it a chance?" She gave him a soulful look. "Didn't think you'd be so mean, Doctor," she said, suddenly sad.

"But…but…but," said the Doctor, his arguments cut off by the sorrow in Rose's eyes. "But…it's a Dalek! It's evil! It's…" But he stopped when he saw a tear gather on Rose's lashes and slip down onto her cheek.

"Please, Doctor?" she asked softly.

The Doctor didn't answer. He just watched as the tear was joined by a second one.

Rose gave a small, sad sniffle.

…And that was how the Doctor found himself with a new (and very slimy) companion.


	2. Wouldn't You Rather Have A Pretty Boy?

"Look, Rose, can't we talk about this?" begged the Doctor as they made their way through Van Staten's museum. "I mean, letting that thing on the TARDIS could be dangerous."

"What's he going to do?" she retorted. "He can't even move under his own power. Been cooped up in that horrible shell too long, poor thing," she cooed at the Dalek. "We'll have to see what we can do to help you get better." She tickled the side of the Dalek's brain-case affectionately.

The Doctor resisted the urge to tear his hair out because, honestly, this? The stuff of nightmares. Just then, that little swot Adam came running up, yapping on like a terrier about Van Staten and Goddard and cement. However, his arrival gave the Doctor an idea.

"Look, Rose," said the Doctor, catching Adam by the back of the collar. "You're wanting a pet, right? How about we take Adam with us instead?" he asked hopefully.

Rose snorted and started digging in her pocket for her TARDIS key, shifting the Dalek onto her hip like it was a toddler instead of a disgusting snot-monster. "He," she muttered, casting a disparaging eye at Adam, "left me down there."

"Well, so did I," pleaded the Doctor.

"What are you talking about? We've got to leave," said Adam, trying unsuccessfully to wiggle free of the Doctor's grasp. "And what the hell is that thing?" His eyes bugged out as he looked at the trail of slime oozing off the Dalek.

"But Rose, look, he's a bit pretty," said the Doctor, shaking Adam enticingly.

"I hadn't noticed," said Rose over her shoulder as she unlocked the door. "C'mon then," she said to the Dalek. "Let's get you something to eat. Think I'll call him Pedro," she added.

The Doctor winced as "Pedro" the Dalek was carried on to his ship. Judging from the change in the TARDIS's hum, his ship wasn't too happy with this turn of events, either.

"Um, could you put me down now?" asked Adam hesitantly, breaking the silence. "Goddard wasn't joking—we're going to get sealed in. And what's Rose doing standing inside a wooden box?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Just get in there," he said gruffly, shoving Adam toward the door of the TARDIS. Surely Adam couldn't be worse than the Dalek, and maybe he'd distract Rose from her new pet.


	3. Jelly For Octopuses

"So what do Daleks eat?" Rose asked as she casually leaned up against the console. 'Pedro' as she was insisting on calling the horrible thing, was lounging on a towel on the jump seat. (The towel was at the Doctor's insistence.)

The Doctor snorted. "How should I know? I didn't exactly make a habit out of trying to keep them alive." He didn't point out that 'Pedro' could probably tell her himself—Daleks were perfectly intelligent—because there was just something unnerving about watching it curl its icky, slimy tentacles around Rose's lovely fingers.

Unfortunately, Rose was pretty intelligent herself. "Hmm," she said, touching Pedro, "he seems to want a mixture of…peptides and proteins produced by partial…hydrolysis of collagen." She looked at the Doctor. "What does that mean?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Means he wants jelly." He rubbed his forehead, trying to get rid of his headache. Rose had insisted that he deal with finding Adam a room, since he was the one who wanted him on board in the first place. Adam had been full of annoying questions, and the Doctor was already having his doubts about the wisdom of bringing him on board. Unfortunately, he thought with a sigh, Adam was the least of his problems.

"Do we have any jelly on board?" she asked. "'Cause I think Pedro's hungry."

"Third cupboard on the left in the kitchen," said the Doctor, feeling defeated.

"Right, then I'll just go mix some up," said Rose with a nod. "Pedro, you wait here and keep the Doctor company. And don't you go killing him while I'm away," she said with a stern look at the Doctor.

Once she was out of the room, the Doctor eyed the Dalek. It lay, barely moving, on the towel, slowly blinking its enormous eyeball, and although it really had no ability to create facial expressions, the Doctor couldn't help feeling that it had a smug look about it.

"All right, _Pedro_, is it?" he said with a sneer. "You'd better just watch yourself. I know you think you're in good with Rose, but I'm warning you—the second she gets tired of you? Long walk off a short pier, if you get my drift."

The Dalek blew a small bubble of slime out of its breathing orifice.

"That's right, laugh while you can," said the Doctor. "I'll be keeping an eye on you. And not a word to Rose, or you'll be learning firsthand what humans do to their dead pet goldfish."

The Dalek twitched a tentacle feebly.

"Then we understand each other," said the Doctor with a decisive nod. "Keep your gooey tentacles off my stuff. And stay the hell away from the controls of my ship!"

"Who are you yelling at, Doctor?" asked Rose, peeking her head through the doorway. "You're not haranguing Pedro, are you?"

"Me? Never! Perish the thought," said the Doctor, trying his best to sound indignant. "Just laying down some ground rules for our, um, 'guest.'"

Rose looked at him with suspicion. "Think I'll take Pedro back to the kitchen with me," she said, scooping up the Dalek, towel and all.

The Doctor watched her go and bit back a groan. This would never work; something had to be done. The Doctor wracked his very sizable brains. Adam hadn't seemed to catch Rose's fancy, but maybe if he, the Doctor, took them somewhere really impressive tomorrow, Rose would see that Adam would make a much better pet (the Doctor refused to use the word "boyfriend") than a homicidal octopus.

The next day, Adam proved himself to be a worse choice as a companion than the Dalek. The less said about it, the better.


	4. He's Everywhere You Wanna Be!

"I think he's getting stronger," said Rose happily. "Look, he can almost climb out of the last tub." She reached into the plastic bin and gave Pedro a helping hand to clear the last few inches at the top and drop down the other side.

"Fantastic," muttered the Doctor sarcastically. Never, in his long life, would he have believed that he was participating in physical therapy for a bloody Dalek. And yet, here he was, at Rose's request, designing little obstacle courses for it to improve its strength.

_How the mighty have fallen_, he thought grimly. But then Rose flashed him a triumphant, tongue-in-the-teeth smile, and he sighed, defeated.

He eyed the little monster where it lay wheezing on the floor. "Look, Rose, now that it's getting mobile, we really need to talk about where it lives. It can't be allowed to roam around the ship when we're out or when we're asleep." When she started to pout, he shook his head. "Oh, no, no amount of sad eyes will change my mind on this one. It's not safe." _For you_, he added silently.

"Well, what can we do?" asked Rose. "I s'pose he could come with us during the day," she mused. "I could get a little carrier for him."

The Doctor shuddered at the thought of Rose sporting a Baby Bjorn with the Dalek wedged inside it. "Nah, I think maybe I can build him a little enclosure here on the TARDIS," he said. "Something with a good solid lock on the door." When Rose started to glare at him, he held up his hands. "I'll make it nice and comfy, how's that?"

She nodded. "I guess that'll do. But only when we're out," she added.

"And what about during sleep?"

"Well," she said, "I thought I'd still keep him in my room in his tub. I don't want him to be lonely."

The Doctor thought about making a few pointed comments about his own nighttime loneliness but decided against it on the grounds that it would end up sounding a bit…skeezy. "But you can't have it in there if you're sleeping," he argued. "What if it decides to strangle you in your sleep or something?"

"Pedro would never do something like that," said Rose, affronted. "He's reformed! And he's very sweet—you'd know that if you ever let him talk to you."

"Rose, my Don't -Touch-Daleks-EVER policy has served me well for many years. I'm not about to go changing it now."

Rose huffed. "Fine, but don't go getting all high-and-mighty with me the next time I get a little squeamish about some other species." She leaned over and scooped Pedro off the floor. "Time to go fix you some jelly," she announced, and then she grinned at the Doctor. "His new favorite flavor is pear."

The Doctor snorted. As far as he was concerned, that was proof positive of the creature's inherently evil nature. (Not that proof was really necessary, but still…pear! In jelly form! Unholy!)

"We'll be in the kitchen," sang Rose as she carried her pet out of the console room. The Doctor grumpily watched her go, and it was just adding insult to injury when the newly ambulatory Dalek reached up a tentacle to wave bye-bye at him from its enviable position in Rose's arms.


	5. My DNA Is Your DNA

"Rose? Are you ready to go yet?" The Doctor poked his head inside the open door of Rose's bedroom and frowned when he found the room empty. Where was that girl? They had just landed, and the incredible colors of the Andrularian sunset wouldn't last forever.

Just as he was about to go check the wardrobe room, he heard a clinking sound coming from the door leading to Rose's bathroom. "Rose, are you in there?" he asked, entering her bedroom. There was no answer, but the Doctor was curious. What had made the noise? He slowly approached the bathroom door and peeked inside. "Rose?"

Rose wasn't there, but the Doctor had no trouble identifying the source of the sound.

It was the Dalek.

The Dalek, sitting in the bathroom sink, facing the mirror.

The Dalek, sitting in the sink, facing the mirror with a tube of Rose's mascara clutched in one of its drippy tentacles, and the mascara wand gripped tightly in another.

The Dalek, sitting in the sink, with mascara, and only the tips of its tentacle visible, because they were clumsily threaded through the sleeves of one of Rose's pink Punky Fish hoodies, which the Dalek appeared to be…wearing.

The Doctor stared at the Dalek's reflection in the mirror.

The Dalek froze and stared back at the Doctor.

The Doctor looked at the mascara wand.

The Dalek looked at the mascara wand.

They both looked back at each other.

The Dalek's eye slid away to look down at an eyeliner pencil, resting on the countertop.

The Doctor's eyes followed suit.

The Doctor looked back at the Dalek's enormous eyeball, the eyelashes of which already held evidence of heavy mascara and eyeliner application.

They both looked at each other again.

For a long moment, nobody moved.

Then the Doctor slowly backed out of the bathroom.

Once he was in the hallway again, the Doctor shuddered. He was all for exploring the universe, new experiences, learning, discovering, etc., but, he reflected, there were some things that he was better off not knowing.

Ever.


	6. Paranoia And You

The Doctor examined the trail of slime along the floor beneath the central console. That Dalek thought it was so clever. Oh, he was on to the disgusting creature.

He'd found evidence of his enemy's treachery before, but Rose continually insisted that he was misinterpreting "Pedro's" intensions.

"He was hungry!" – When the Dalek made off with every banana on the ship.

"He got lost!" – When the Doctor found Dalek mucus spread all over the threshold of his bedroom door.

And the worst one of them all: "He found a railing that was coming loose!" – When the Dalek had dared—DARED!—to sneak off with his sonic screwdriver.

Clearly, this meant war.

The Doctor was certain that it was only a matter of time before "Pedro" showed its true colors. After all, mutated with Rose's DNA or no, a Dalek was still a Dalek. And the Doctor knew better than anyone what terrible darkness must lurk in the heart of that tiny cephalopod.

But what was its plan?—ah, that was the question. The Doctor paced back and forth across the floor of the control room and tried to think like a Dalek. Clearly, it was trying to access the controls of the TARDIS—the slime trail proved that much—and the only reason it hadn't yet succeeded was because he was keeping such a close eye on it. But maybe it was time to give it some rope…yes, just enough rope for it to hang itself with!

There were only a limited number of things a Dalek could accomplish on his ship without its pepper pot armor to use as an interface. The Doctor decided that he would just have to plan for every contingency. Ah, that was the ticket. A good, solid, plan…

He landed the TARDIS on a nice, deserted stretch of beach (no pretty boys or evil maniacal pets for as far as the eye could see!) and told Rose that she should go enjoy herself while he got some work done.

Two days and many grueling hours of engineering work later, and he had completely overhauled most of the TARDIS command and control structures. And, oh, it was worth it—all the time and sweat and all-too-brief glimpses of Rose's tanned legs as she went out on the beach to explore without him. He was going to catch that Dalek at its own game and get it off his ship for good.

The Doctor rubbed his hands together in gleeful anticipation. Right now, Rose was napping, so Pedro was no doubt loose (since she refused to listen to any of the Doctor's warnings and hardly ever locked it up).

It was only a matter of time before the Dalek made its move.

The Doctor positioned himself out of sight behind one of the coral struts. If it thought he was elsewhere, the Dalek would no doubt take advantage of the empty control room to enact its evil plan. Now all he had to do was wait.

Two hours and twenty-six boring minutes later, his patience was finally rewarded. A gooey, shifty, slithering sound echoed lightly in the control room, signaling the approach of his enemy. The Doctor peeked one eye out and watched as the Dalek crept slowly toward the central console.

Three feet away…two feet…one…

And then, just as it was reaching out a tentacle to touch the underside of the controls…

"Ah-HA!" The Doctor leapt out of his hiding place. "Caught you! Oh, you think you're clever, do you? Think you've got a plan? Well, you are very much mistaken, my slimy little friend, because I have accounted for every variable." He shook a finger at the Dalek menacingly.

"I told you that you weren't to come poking around the controls of my ship! I told you what would happen if you did! And now you're caught—nowhere left to run!

"So what are you going to do, Dalek? If you try to reroute the central temporal displacement module to create a temporary time shift, you'll end up trapped in a static temporal loop. If you try to rig the oscillating hypertridrex to let you take control of the command unit, your molecules will be dephased by the atomic retrograde enhancer. And if you even go near the gigaplexic cross-transfusing macrodefibrulator, you'll get blown to kingdom come.

"You can't explain your way out of this one, and you can't escape. So what's it going to be?" the Doctor demanded, glaring down at the Dalek.

The Dalek stared back at him. The room was extremely silent.

Then, it very slowly reached a tentacle into the mass of wires under the console.

The hair on the back of the Doctor's neck began to rise, and he started to sweat. He hadn't overlooked something, had he? No, no, he couldn't have… But… He watched, transfixed, as the Dalek pull something free from beneath the flotsam and jetsam of the central controls.

It was a book.

The Doctor blinked. Just what the hell was it going to do with…he tilted his head to read the title…_Pride and Prejudice_? Seriously? He stared into Pedro's giant yellow eye, trying to fathom what it could possibly be thinking.

The Dalek blinked back at him as it clutched the book.

"Pedro? Are you in here?" Rose poked her head in the control room. "Hey, Doctor, have you seen Pedro? Oh!" She spotted her pet. "There you are. And look, you found it!" She clapped her hands gleefully and bounced over to them. "Look, Doctor, Pedro found my book! Aren't you clever?" she said, picking him up off the floor and giving him a cuddle.

"I lost it around the time we landed on Biltrax 9. Y'know, when the stabilizers went out and we landed with that almighty thump?" She grinned at the Doctor. "I couldn't figure out for the life of me where it had gone to. It must have slid down under the console. Pedro's been helping me look for it for days. He checked in here awhile back, but I guess maybe the panels were still in place then."

Her smile faltered as she took in the Doctor's rather shocked expression. "You all right?"

"Um," the Doctor managed to say.

"That's it," said Rose, setting Pedro down on the floor. "You've been working too hard. No," she said, holding up a hand when he started to open his mouth, "I'm not taking no for an answer. I'm sure that all these repairs to the TARDIS are important," she said, gesturing to the partially exposed console, "but you need to get out for a bit.

"I've made some sandwiches. How 'bout we take 'em out on the beach and have a little picnic in the sunshine, just you and me, yeah?"

The Doctor nodded. "All right," he said softly.

"I'll just be a mo, then. And no more work!" she admonished over her shoulder as she exited the control room, leaving the Doctor alone with Pedro.

The silence was heavy. The Doctor folded his arms defensively. The Dalek blinked at him.

"All right, maybe you weren't trying to sabotage my ship," he said at last. "This time," he added, under his breath. "What do you want, an apology?"

The Dalek shifted slightly and blinked again.

"Yeah, well, sorry," said the Doctor uncomfortably. "But don't think this means I won't be watching you," he admonished.

It rolled its eye and made a soft belching noise.

The Doctor opened his mouth but shut it abruptly when he couldn't think of what to say. It was all really extremely awkward, and he was never so grateful as when Rose reappeared with a picnic basket.

"All ready to go," she said. "Let me just put Pedro in his habitat."

"Oh, that's all right," said the Doctor. "You can leave him out." When Rose beamed at him, he added uncomfortably, "There's not really anything he can do to the ship right now, anyway."

"I knew it!" said Rose happily. "You're going to be the best of friends!" She took the Doctor's hand and squeezed it.

The Doctor snorted but allowed himself to be led out into the sunshine. Best of friends seemed unlikely, but he'd be willing to attempt a cessation of hostilities.

For now.


	7. Necessitating The Removal Of Gloves

OK, movie night. Right. The Doctor could handle this, no problem. After all, he'd spent the day spelunking in a cave filled with carnivorous bat-creatures, so sitting next to Rose on a comfy couch in the semi-darkness should be nothing to worry about, right?

Right?

Just because the couch was so small that they were almost touching. It wasn't like they were ACTUALLY touching.

Maybe he should just lean over and snog her senseless. A little spontaneity—women liked spontaneity, right?

Right?

Unless, of course, she wasn't thinking of that at all. There was that pesky age gap thing. Oh, and the whole different species thing. The Doctor glanced at Rose—what WAS she thinking? She was the one who'd suggested the movie night. She was the one who'd made the popcorn. And—this seemed significant—she was the one who'd poured the wine.

The Doctor mulled it over. Movie night…well, that could just be a friendly thing. Popcorn was definitely more friendly than sexy, as food went. Although she was holding the bowl in her lap, so he had to sort of lean over closer to her to get some…hmm.

And wine—wine could be sexy. Well, depending on the vintage. The Doctor sniffed his glass…a California red. Moderately sexy.

It was possible that he was over-thinking this.

Maybe he should just test the waters. A little "accidental" brush of his elbow to hers. That wasn't creepy, right?

Right?

He leaned over, under the guise of grabbing a handful of popcorn. Oh, yes, there was definitely arm-to-arm contact. The Doctor glanced at her again. No reaction. But she wasn't flinching—that was good, right?

Right?

His moves were so very rusty, he thought with a sigh. That was probably why she seemed to be under the impression that he was asexual.

It was time to pull out the stops. Go for broke. Make the move. How did that old, human classic go? Fake a nice, leisurely stretch and then put an arm around the girl's shoulders? Cheesy, the Doctor decided. Cheesy and terrible and absolutely the only thing he could think up.

OK, here goes. He leaned back slightly. He lifted his arms up, up, up in a fairly convincing stretch. Now to just settle back down, casually drape his arm over her shoulders…closer…closer…

SPLAT!

Suddenly, Pedro the Dalek was occupying the space over Rose's shoulder, right where the Doctor's arm was headed. He swiftly pulled it back as Rose shifted in surprise.

"Pedro! Where did you come from?" she asked, clearly delighted, turning her head to grin at her pet. "Did you climb all the way up the back of the couch by yourself?"

The Dalek was breathing heavily as it slid a tentacle around one of her outstretched fingers.

"Good for you," enthused Rose. "That's quite a climb. Y'know, the movie's just starting. Stay and watch it with us, yeah?" She listened to its telepathic response and smiled. "Good. You wanna sit on the couch?" she asked, but Pedro just shifted itself into a more comfortable position on her shoulder. Rose giggled. "Just like a hyper-intelligent parrot," she quipped. The Dalek rolled its eye.

The Doctor huffed and folded his arms across his chest. There went that opportunity out the window. That stupid Dalek sure had horrible timing…wait. It really DID have terrible timing, unless… No, surely not. It hadn't joined them on purpose to stop him from…hmm.

He glanced at Pedro out of the corner of his eye, and saw, disturbingly, that the Dalek was eyeing him in return. The Doctor glared at the creature, and Pedro seemed to glare back at him. They stayed locked in a silent battle of wills for several long seconds while Rose watched the movie, oblivious.

Then Pedro, ever so casually, and quite deliberately, curled a tentacle down over Rose's exposed collarbone. Rose raised a hand to pat Pedro affectionately.

Well, thought the Doctor as he glowered and turned back toward the movie, one thing was clear:

The war was officially back on.


	8. Enter Jack

As the last strains of 'In the Mood' died down, the Doctor gave Jack a meaningful hands-off-the-blonde stare. That ought to make it clear how things stand, he thought. But Rose, still laughing from the dance, pulled away from him.

"Oh, and there's one more passenger you should meet, Jack," she said with a grin. "Lemme go grab him." She ran off down the corridor.

Jack glanced at the Doctor questioningly, but the Doctor remained silent. Hopefully, one of two things would happen: 1) Rose would see Jack recoil in disgust at the horrible creature, and she would decide to abandon Pedro in favor of her new pretty boy, or 2) Jack would be so horrified by the Dalek that he'd leave Rose alone (or maybe even leave for good!). Either way, the Doctor figured he couldn't lose.

Of course, Mister Flash Conman Captain _would_ just have to go and be accepting of the whole idea.

"Ah, Pedro," said Jack cheerfully after Rose had introduced her pet. "Nice to meet you." He smiled at the slimy thing in Rose's arms and, to the Doctor's disgust, extended a hand to the Dalek. "Oh, no, the pleasure's all mine," he added, apparently replying to Pedro's telepathy.

Rose beamed at Jack. "It'll be nice to have another person for him to talk to," she gushed enthusiastically. "I think he gets lonely with just me around, and, well, the Doctor's not really a fan," she added in a lower voice. She touched a finger to one of Pedro's tentacles. "Oh, he wants his jelly now. I'd better go fix it."

Jack waited until she had left the control room with the Dalek in her arms. "So," he said with a grin at the Doctor, "the plot thickens. And here I was thinking that you'd have to be incompetent to be sporting all that unrequited love. How long have they been together?"

The Doctor gaped at him. "What do you mean, _together_?" he finally managed.

"They're in a relationship, right? Rose and the squid?"

"No! Definitely not!" At least the Doctor didn't think so. But…oh, god, maybe… No! And damn Jack to hell and back for even putting that thought into his head!

"Hey, I'm not judging," said Jack with his hands up. "Nothing wrong with a little cross-species love, least not where I'm concerned."

"I'm sure," said the Doctor acerbically. "But they're just…friends."

Jack nodded. "Bet that's a big relief to her mother," he said with a laugh. "Especially since Rose's from the 21st century."

At this, a thought occurred to the Doctor, and he stared into space for a moment with a dreamy expression on his face. "Captain," he finally said, "that's a fantastic idea. A really, really fantastic idea." He flashed his best lunatic grin at Jack. "I know right where we're going next!"


	9. Enter Jackie

It was really all too easy. The Doctor barely had to do a thing.

That evening, as they gathered in the kitchen for food, Rose was chatting with Jack about her life with the Doctor, telling him stories about their adventures together.

"…And then he blew up Downing Street, can you believe it? 'Course," she added nonchalantly, "that's how we met Harriet Jones, future Prime Minister. My mum's still reeling from that one."

"And your mother lives in early 21st century London?" Jack asked.

Rose nodded. "Not that I get to see her all that often," she said with a roll of her eyes. "The Doctor doesn't really like visiting."

"Don't be silly, Rose," interjected the Doctor as he helped himself to another piece of bread. "We can visit anytime you like. All you have to do is ask."

Rose looked skeptical. "Ri-ight, I'll just ask, and you'll whisk us away to see my mum, no complaints." She snorted. "Yeah, and Slitheens smell like springtime."

The Doctor just raised his eyebrows and waited.

"All right," said Rose slowly. "I'm game. Doctor," she asked sweetly, "could we go stop in to see my mum tomorrow? Maybe even stay for tea?" She gave him a wicked, tongue-in-teeth grin.

"Of course, Rose," said the Doctor in all seriousness. "Your wish is my command."

"Huh, 21st century London," mused Jack. He shrugged. "Not the most exciting destination, but could be worse, I guess."

"Oh, shut it," said Rose without heat. "That's my time period you're talking about. Besides, what would be worse?" she wondered.

"Could be Cardiff," replied Jack, wrinkling his nose.

The next day (relatively speaking), they were off for London. As they gathered in the control room, the Doctor noticed that Rose was carrying Pedro. _Perfect_, he thought.

Out loud, he said, "Rose, we can't just let that Dalek roam around outside. It's not safe. Who knows what trouble it might cause?"

Rose glared at him. "Pedro's not going to cause any trouble," she insisted, her arms tightening protectively around her pet. "Besides, I want to introduce him to my mum."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked the Doctor, secretly blessing Rose's innate stubbornness. "What if he has a setback, falls off the murdering wagon or something?" At Rose's glare, he held up his hands innocently. "I wouldn't want any harm to come to your mum."

"Thanks, Doctor, but it will be fine."

"All right then," said the Doctor, barely resisting the urge to rub his hands together gleefully. "Let's go pay Jackie a visit, eh?"

The four of them headed up the stairs to Jackie's flat, the Doctor in the lead. He reached her door and quickly knocked.

"You don't need to do that," Rose told him. "I've got my key."

"But your arms are full," said the Doctor with a glance at Pedro. "Just thought I'd give you a hand."

Just then, Jackie opened the door. "Oh, and here's himself," she quipped at the Doctor. "Never give me a bit of warning that you're coming, do you? Oh, Rose!" she exclaimed happily as she spotted her daughter behind the Doctor. "There you are! And you've brought another friend," she said, eyeing Jack appreciatively.

"Ma'am," nodded Jack with a grin.

"Two new friends, Mum," said Rose cheerfully. "Come meet Pedro." She stepped around the Doctor so that Jackie could see her pet.

Jackie's eyes opened wide and her mouth popped open. "What on Earth's that thing?" she demanded.

"This is Pedro," said Rose. "He's a Dalek. We found him in Utah, would you believe it? He was really violent then, but I've been helping him to reform."

Pedro chose this moment to belch unpleasantly, and a small blob of Dalek mucus dripped out onto Jackie's front mat.

Jackie observed this and then rounded on the Doctor. "What have you gotten her into this time?" she demanded. "Taking care of this horrible creature? Did you put her up to this? Oh, god," she said, suddenly horrified, "this isn't one of your weird alien kids or something, is it?"

"No," said the Doctor firmly. "Definitely not."

"Well, then, what is it?" she snapped. "'Cause every time I see her, you've got my Rose into some sort of weird situation. Bog monsters and shop window dummies! Took forever to get the Slipeen…"

"Slitheen," corrected Rose.

"…slime out of Mickey's kitchen," continued Jackie, ignoring her, "and now you go giving her some horrible gummy alien octopus to take care of!"

"No, Mum, you don't understand," interrupted Rose, coming to the Doctor's defense. "The Doctor wants to get rid of him. I'm the one who wants to keep him!" she said insistently. "Pedro's really sweet!"

Rose continued to explain to her mother how exactly she had come by her new pet. As she talked, Jackie fell stonily silent, her eyes only leaving Rose's face to occasionally glance at the goo continually dripping off of Pedro and onto her front mat. But when Rose got to the bit about _sharing DNA_ and _practically family_, Jackie had apparently had enough.

"Rose Marion Tyler," she exploded. "Are you out of your bleedin' mind? What on Earth are you going on about? Family! I never heard such a thing! Now you turn straight around, young lady, and put that horrid thing back where you found it!"

"But Mum, I can't, I…"

"Oh, don't you take that tone with me. Now," she said, shaking a finger in Rose's face, "you need to listen to the Doctor; he's the expert on these things, so don't you go off all half-cocked. Honestly! Bringing home some evil squishy monster and telling me it's 'practically family!'"

Jackie continued to rant for several minutes, never allowing Rose a word in edgewise. She repeated her demand that Rose take the Dalek back where she found it and insisted, several times, that Rose needed to _listen to the Doctor._

As he leaned back against the landing railing and basked in the glow of the impressive tirade, the Doctor reflected that he never, ever would have imagined a circumstance in which he would want to kiss Jackie Tyler. It just goes to show you, he thought, that with a trans-dimensional time capsule, all things are possible.


	10. And I Want You Home By Midnight

Unfortunately, not even Jackie's wrath was enough to get rid of the bloody Dalek, and Rose was decidedly grumpy when they set off on their next adventure. The Doctor was feeling (mostly) guilty about his role in the Powell Estate visit, so he decided to take Rose and Jack to a lovely little planet on the edge of the Caldolan solar system, replete with sunshine, charming village squares and shops, and absolutely no run-for-your-life scenarios.

And if Jack decided that it was all a bit too humdrum for an ex-Time Agent and chose to stay in the TARDIS and do some reading while the Doctor and Rose walked together, hand-in-hand through the pastoral countryside, well, virtue was its own reward, right?

Of course not. It was never quite that simple. Rose, having fought her mother tooth and nail in defense of her pet, was now insisting that Pedro needed a bit of fresh air. The Doctor tried every excuse he could come up with to leave the Dalek in the TARDIS, from concerns about Pedro running amok to dire warnings about Dalek skin cancer, all to no avail.

Pedro was coming with them, and that was that. Rose helped the little monster clamber up onto her shoulder, where it clutched at her neck, wheezing slightly.

The Doctor huffed, but since there was nothing to be done, he settled for grabbing Rose's hand and brooding (just a little) as they started on their walk to the closest village. Rose squeezed his hand conciliatorily, which helped put him in a slightly better mood, especially when she added a happy smile to the mix. But when the Doctor felt a brush of telepathic contact from their joined hands, he nearly broke away in shock.

…_Rose?_ he projected at her, not quite able to believe that she had managed to speak to him with only her mind.

_TIME…LORD._

This time, he did stop and drop her hand as he realized who was communicating.

Rose turned in surprise. "Something wrong?" she asked, frowning.

The Doctor looked between her and the Dalek, who had one of his tentacles positioned over the vertebrae of her neck.

"Um," he said.

Rose looked around nervously. "Do we need to start running?"

"No…no," the Doctor said. "Sorry, just, um, remembered something. It's not important." He didn't want to get into another Pedro-related argument quite this soon, so he started walking again. Rose joined him, but when she reached a hand out for one of his, he ignored it and tucked his hands into his pockets.

After a moment, Rose spoke again. "You're angry about something."

The Doctor glanced at her and realized with a jolt that she was looking down at her hands sadly.

Damn that Dalek to hell and back.

"I'm not angry, Rose," he said gently, and took one of her hands again. The bright smile she sent him mostly made up for the shock of the renewed telepathic connection.

_I WISH TO SPEAK TO YOU, TIME LORD._

_You're piggybacking your telepathic communications on Rose's sympathetic nervous system_, thought the Doctor crossly.

_CORRECT_, thought the Dalek smugly.

_Well, stop it_, thought the Doctor, his anger tingeing his thoughts red. _You don't have her permission to do that_.

_THERE IS NO HARM TO ROSE,_ thought Pedro. _IF YOU DO NOT LIKE IT, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD LET GO OF HER HAND_.

_Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?_ snarled the Doctor._ Well, nothing doing. Maybe YOU should take your tentacle off of her first thoracic nerve segment_.

_I HAVE QUESTIONS FOR YOU, TIME LORD,_ thought the Dalek, ignoring his demands. _YOU WILL ANSWER THEM HONESTLY OR I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU._

_ With what? _ snarked the Doctor. _Dalek slime? _

But Pedro ignored him. _WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS TOWARD ROSE?_

_What?_

_WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS TOWARD THE HUMAN FEMALE ROSE?_ Pedro repeated.

_What do you mean, intentions?_ asked the Doctor uncomfortably.

_YOUR HEARTRATE INCREASES UPON INCREASED INTERACTION WITH THE HUMAN FEMALE ROSE. YOUR PUPILS DIALATE WHEN YOU OBSERVE HER. YOUR GALVANIC SKIN RESPONSES INDICATE AROUSAL WHEN YOU COME IN PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH HER…_

_Ugg! _interrupted the Doctor. _Stop cataloguing my physiology, you horrible monstrosity, or I'll…I'll.."_

_YOU WILL WHAT? _questioned the Dalek.

_I'll wipe you out of space/time; how about that?_ threatened the Doctor grimly.

_ BASED ON PAST OBSERVATIONS, I CALCULATE ONLY A .002% CHANCE OF THAT,_ thought the Dalek, his thoughts once again sounding smug. _SINCE IT WOULD GREATLY DISPLEASE ROSE. NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION!_

The Doctor grimaced. _I don't know what you mean, _he thought uncomfortably. _I don't have any "intentions" toward her._

_ INCORRECT,_ snapped Pedro. _DO YOU INTEND TO PURSUE HER PURELY FOR PHYSICAL GRATIFICATION?_

_ What!_

_ YOU HEARD ME_.

_No! _thought the Doctor. _Of course not!_

"Doctor, are you feeling all right?" asked Rose tentatively, interrupting the mental communications. "Your face has gone all red."

"Uh, it's just a bit hot out," muttered the Doctor.

"Maybe you shouldn't wear black leather and jumpers out in the sun," she suggested gently.

_DO NOT REMOVE YOUR CLOTHING OR I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU._

"I'm not going to," snapped the Doctor, only realizing too late that he'd spoken out loud.

"Well, that'll be a first," replied Rose tartly. "But that hardly changes what you're wearing now."

"No, I mean…" the Doctor trailed off as he turned to her. "Sorry, I was thinking of something else."

Rose looked at him coolly. "'S'alright," she said. "Just no need to get defensive."

"Right," agreed the Doctor. "Sorry."

They continued on in silence.

_IF NOT FOR PHYSICAL GRATIFICATION…_ began the Dalek.

_ Oi, stop using that phrase!_ thought the Doctor, wincing.

…_THEN DO YOU INTEND TO USE ROSE TO DISSEMINATE YOUR GENETIC MATERIAL?_

_ WHAT! No! _The Doctor's frame jerked and he narrowly avoided stumbling.

_YOU DO NOT INTEND TO MATE WITH ROSE FOR THE PURPOSES OF REPOPULATING YOUR SPECIES?_

_That's probably not even possible, and I certainly haven't been planning on it! _protested the Doctor.

_ BASED ON DALEK INTELLIGENCE OF TIME LORD DNA GATHERED DURING THE TIME WAR, I CALCULATE AN 87.4% CHANCE THAT YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO PRODUCE A VIABLE OFFSPRING._

The Doctor paused. _…Really?_

_ YOU SAID YOU DID NOT INTEND TO…_

_ Yes, right, I don't, _thought the Doctor hurriedly. _Anyway, I don't know why you're interrogating me about all this. Captain Jack's the one to keep an eye on._

_ AGREED. HOWEVER, CAPTAIN JACK IS NOT THE SENTIENT FOR WHOM ROSE EXPRESSES A PREFERENCE._

_ Hmph, well that's good, _thought the Doctor. _Wait…what does that mean?_

_ NEVER MIND. _

_No, really. What do you mean by that?_

_ IT IS NOT IMPORTANT._

_ Yes, it bloody well is…_

"Doctor, you're cutting off the circulation to my fingers," said Rose, wiggling her hand in his grasp. "You sure you're all right?"

"Yes, sorry," muttered the Doctor, loosening his grip.

"You're acting really weird today," observed Rose before adding quietly, "I mean, weirder than usual."

The Doctor gave her a Look, clearly having heard her. Rose bit her lip. The Doctor quirked an eyebrow at her, and her lips twitched. He kept it up until she broke into a cheeky grin. The Doctor tried to maintain a stern expression, but he couldn't help but smile back. Pretty soon, they were both just standing there, grinning at each other, and any moment, Rose was going to start giggling.

_THERE, THAT IS THE RESPONSE TO WHICH I AM REFERING_, interjected Pedro.

The Doctor jolted a bit and started walking again, pulling Rose along. That's what he got for forgetting they weren't alone, he supposed. They walked past the first few houses in the village.

_Mind your own bloody business,_ he thought to the Dalek grumpily.

_YOU STILL HAVE NOT ANSWERED MY QUESTION._

_ Don't see why I should._

_ I REQUIRE THIS INFORMATION._

_ Well, too bad for you! Maybe you should explain YOUR intentions toward her._

_ I ASKED FIRST._

The Doctor huffed.

_ IF YOUR PHYSIOLOGICAL RESPONSE INDICATES PHYSICAL ATTRACTION AND YOUR SOCIAL INTERACTIONS INDICATE AFFECTION AND CERTAIN, LOCALIZED ALTERATIONS TO YOUR CIRCULATORY SYSTEM INDICATE…_

_ All right, fine! It's because I love her, you nosy sod!_

The Dalek was silent for a long moment, while the Doctor mentally kicked himself for saying that.

_Look, just forget that last bit…_

…_ROSE PREFERS WHITE FLOWERS,_ Pedro interrupted.

_ What?_

_ WE HAVE JUST PASSED A SMALL SHOPFRONT OFFERING A SELECTION OF FLORA. ROSE PREFERS WHITE FLOWERS. WITH LARGE PETALS. AND SMALL LEAVES._

The Doctor just sent him back a wave of confusion. The Dalek rolled its eye.

_IT IS A CONTINUING PUZZLE TO ME THAT YOUR SPECIES WAS EVER ABLE TO BEST MINE IN BATTLE. TURN AROUND, WALK BACK TO THE FLORAL DISPENSARY, AND ACQUIRE A FLOWER FOR ROSE. A WHITE FLOWER. WITH LARGE PETALS AND SMALL LEAVES._

_ …Why?_

_ I AM BEGINNING TO SUSPECT THAT YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF ROSE TYLER'S AFFECTIONS,_ the Dalek thought, projecting its thoughts with an acerbic air.

_All right, all right, I'll do it!_ The Doctor stopped and turned back around.

"Where are you going?" asked Rose, confused.

"Um," answered the Doctor, gesturing toward the flower shop. "Do you want a flower?"

"Oh," said Rose, blinking. She sounded surprised. "Sure, I guess." But the Doctor couldn't help but notice that her cheeks had pinked up considerably.

The Doctor reached for a white flower but then glanced back at Pedro. The Dalek subtly shook its head and then pointed toward the right. The Doctor looked where it indicated and saw a lovely white flower with—ah, large petals and small leaves. Right.

While he was fishing out some coins to pay the merchant for the flower, the Doctor noticed that Rose was fighting a small smile. It was still on her face when he handed it to her.

"What?" he asked.

"S'nothing," said Rose, touching her flower almost shyly. "Just…thanks." She seemed to reach a decision and stretched up on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"You're welcome," he answered softly, threading their fingers together. They smiled at each other.

_THAT IS SUFFICIENT AFFECTIONATE INTERACTION_, interrupted Pedro hurriedly.

The Doctor rolled his eyes as he and Rose continued their walk, but, he reflected with no small amount of surprise, there were probably worse choices for a chaperon out there.

Probably.


	11. Every Breath You Take, Every Move You Ma

Ok. He could handle this, no problem.

He'd been on dangerous missions before, after all. Hell, these days, it seemed like his life was nothing but danger. Just because he was making a move on Rose…well, it wasn't like he'd get thrown out of an airlock, right?

Right?

Jack glanced nervously over his shoulder at the empty doorway. Nobody there. The Doctor was very thoroughly occupied fixing a problem with the transinducer stabilizers—he'd probably be at it for hours. Jack's eyes roamed back to the girl sitting next to him on the couch and at the bowl of popcorn wedged between them. Just because the Doctor wasn't ever going to take a chance with her, it didn't mean that Jack shouldn't give it a go, right?

Right?

After all, she was the one who'd suggested watching a movie together to pass the time while the Doctor was working. A romantic comedy, even. _And_ it was from the 34th century, so about halfway through, it was going to turn into really more of a skin flick.

Of course, Rose probably didn't know that.

Still, Jack was fairly certain she was attracted to him. Even if she might prefer someone else's attentions, she still might…_ooh_, did their fingers just touch in the popcorn bowl? He glanced at her, but her eyes were still locked on the screen. Did she mean to do that?

Jack honestly couldn't remember being this nervous about putting the moves on a girl. Of course, he'd never hit on a girl who was the object of a Time Lord's unrequited love/angst before. A Time Lord who, Jack thought uncomfortably, probably had the power to _unwrite_ _him_, right out of existence. But the Doctor would never do that, right? And Rose…well, Rose was worth fighting for. And she deserved the chance to decide for herself, right?

Right?

A glance back at the doorway revealed it to be still empty—no piercing blue eyes glaring at him. Jack shifted his shoulders and tried to shake off the feeling that he was being watched.

Ok, no time like the present. Gotta make the move. How did that old classic go? Stretch the arms up in the air and settle them around the girl's shoulders? Perfect, Jack decided. He raised his arms up, up, up in a nice, convincing parody of a stretch and…

_SPLAT!_

"Oh, Pedro!" said Rose happily to the Dalek, who was now clinging to her shoulder. "Did you decide to come watch the movie, too?" She reached up to shift him to a more comfortable location, closer to her neck as Jack hastily withdrew his arm. He realized, with no small alarm, that the Dalek was glaring at him.

"Y'know," said Rose, glancing at Jack with a grin, "when he first came on board, Pedro thought movies were a complete waste of time. Now, seems like whenever we have movie night, s'like he can't help himself—he has to come watch." She poked at her pet affectionately. "Think I'm rubbing off on you." She turned her attention back to the movie.

Jack leaned back into the couch with a huff. So much for that plan. Then he got that uncomfortable feeling again, prickling the hairs on the back of his neck. He turned, glanced back at the doorway, and jumped, just a bit.

There was the Doctor, leaning against the doorjamb, watching them and silently chuckling. He gave a little wave to Pedro and threw Jack a wink before he turned and walked off.

Jack shrunk down on the couch. _Damn_, he thought. _Busted_.


	12. Pedro To The Rescue

**A/N: Did I ever mention that Dalek mucus has a pH of 2.4? Coincidentally, so does your garden variety white vinegar. (Also, please forgive my shameless pandering to the gods of continuity.)**

All around them, the TARDIS was going haywire. Outside, all of Cardiff was shaking, shuddering with the force of the escaping rift energy. But the Doctor only had eyes for one thing: the hand of a killer, wrapped around Rose's precious, fragile neck.

At a nod from the Doctor, Jack set the extrapolator on the floor in front of the Slitheen.

"Stand back, boys," said Blon Fel-Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen with an evil grin as she tightened her grip on Rose. "Surf's up."

Just then, something caught the Doctor's attention. There was movement along the ceiling—the stealthy, slinking movement of something lurking on the arm of one of the coral struts just over where Blon and Rose were standing. As he looked upward, the Doctor saw a large, yellow eye blink back at him.

"Margaret," said the Doctor, suddenly cheerful. "Sorry, I've just remembered—did I ever introduce you to the fourth member of my little crew?"

With expert aim, Pedro the Dalek launched himself into the air and managed to land on the Slitheen's exposed arm._ SPLAT!_

_YOU WILL NOT HARM ROSE!_ he thundered telepathically, and he belched out a huge wad of Dalek slime onto the Slitheen's bare skin.

"What the…" gasped Blon, but that was all she got the chance to say, as the acid-base reaction cascaded down her arm and into the skin suit. There was a violent ripping noise as the compression field failed. The last thing Pedro heard was a loud, muffled _BOOM _as the force of the explosion sent him flying across the room.

After that, it all faded to black.

As Pedro slowly blinked his way back into consciousness, the first thing he saw was the Doctor's face, looking down at him. He weakly stretched a tentacle out, and the Doctor met him half way with his hand.

"You really ought to rest, you daft little Dalek," scolded the Doctor, but he couldn't quite keep the grin off his face. "You got flung halfway across the console room. You're in the Med Bay, by the way."

_TIME LORD... _croaked the Dalek telepathically. _DID ROSE…SURVIVE? _

"Yes, she's right over there." The Doctor pointed to a nearby gurney where Rose lay with her eyes closed. At a flash of telepathic alarm from Pedro, the Doctor tutted. "No need to worry; she's fine," he said. "She just bumped her head a little when she was knocked back by the explosion. She's sleeping now."

_THAT…IS GOOD. TIME LORD, I…AM…DYING…_

"Don't be silly; you're not dying," said the Doctor with a roll of his eyes.

_YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF ROSE…FOR ME…_

"That's very touching," said the Doctor with a smidgen of sarcasm. "Pretty sure that's what I was doing before you came along. And in any case, I'm telling you, you're not dying. You're just a bit stunned, and I treated you with the dermal regenerator, so I had to give you a few drugs. They're just making you a bit loopy."

_YOU ARE CERTAIN?_

"Yep," said the Doctor cheerfully. "You're going to be good as new. No doubt you'll be lurking around my ship for a long, long time."

_AND ROSE WILL BE FINE?_

"She'll be up and about in no time, I promise."

Almost on cue, Rose groaned and rolled over. "Ugg, think I need a shower," she muttered, brushing at the Slitheen slime in her hair.

"You, me, and the TARDIS makes three," said Jack grimly as he entered the Med Bay. "That was one heck of a slimy explosion—it's gonna take forever to get all that Slitheen goo out of the grates. Still, it's better than us all being ripped apart if the rift exploded."

"Well, if she'd managed to open the rift, she'd have nearly pulled the ship apart. Any more stress on those panels, and it'd opened the heart of the TARDIS," said the Doctor, not entirely sure why he felt like adding that little bit of plot exposition. It just seemed…important somehow. "All sorts of odd and unlikely things might have happened in that case."

"Wow," said Rose. "That's strangely interesting information. I'll be sure to remember it for later."

"What I can't figure out is how the Doctor managed to stay clear of the mess," said Jack, trying to wipe his hands clean on a Med Bay towel.

"Superior reflexes," said the Doctor happily.

"Oh, shut it," said Rose, though she was smiling as she pulled herself up to sit on the edge of the gurney. "Being the farthest away from the blast probably helped, too. And how's Pedro doing?"

"A bit melodramatic, but otherwise fine," said the Doctor. "Clever idea, that, you jumping down on Blon's arm. She never knew what hit her. Literally."

"Well, anyway, all's well that ends well, I guess," said Rose as she hopped up. Then her face fell. "Oh, god, I forgot about Mickey!" She turned and ran out of the room.

"Don't worry, Doc," said Jack, moving to follow her. "I'll make sure she gets back OK. Just stay and keep an eye on your patient." The Doctor nodded.

Once Jack had followed Rose out of the Med Bay, the Doctor looked down at Pedro. "Well," he said heavily, "I s'pose I owe you my thanks. Who knows what might have happened to Rose without you there."

_SHE IS VERY JEOPARDY-FRIENDLY,_ remarked Pedro.

"Yes, she certainly is."

_PERHAPS…WE CAN LOOK AFTER HER TOGETHER._

The Doctor gazed down at the hideous, slimy, occasionally murderous abomination of nature who had just saved the life of the girl he loved. "Pedro," he said with a grin, "I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."


	13. The Seriously Disturbing Epilogue

**A/N: This should never have been written. Seriously, folks, product of a diseased mind right here. You probably shouldn't read it…but if you do, just remember, it's crack…so fair warning, OK? **

**I'd also like to say thanks to all the people who read and reviewed – it has been so much fun to write this story for you, and you have all fed my addiction beautifully!**

**PEDRO'S PERSONAL LOG, ENTRY 154/2/EPSILON**

_There was a time in my life when I was trapped by an egomaniacal madman and tortured for his amusement. It occurs to me now that it wasn't such a bad deal, really._

_This is, perhaps, the most trying time of my entire life, but I must, above all else, remain patient. That is what Rose would want. _

_The equivalent of fifteen Earth days have passed since the Time Lord managed to send a message to her through the last remaining crack in the walls of reality. Despite the power of our combined intelligence and months of effort, we have been unable to find a solution that would allow safe travel through the void to reach her. However, I for one refuse to give in to despair, and I remain hopeful that, with time…_

Pedro stopped typing as music began playing through the console room. Seriously, Snow Patrol's _Chasing Cars_? _Again_? The Dalek sighed and rolled his eye as he leaned over to peer around the view screen at the Doctor.

The Time Lord was leaning against the central console, brooding. His blue suit—"the color of mourning!" he'd explained—was very much in evidence, and in his hands, he clutched a piece of purple fabric like it was the only precious thing left in his life.

_OH, LORD, HE IS CUDDLING HER SHIRT AGAIN,_ thought Pedro despairingly. _PERHAPS I SHOULD JUST EXTERMINATE HIM. REALLY, IT WOULD BE FOR HIS OWN GOOD… _The Dalek mused over that possibility for awhile before rejecting it. _NO, I MUST REMAIN STRONG, IF ONLY FOR ROSE'S SAKE. THIS IS WHAT SHE WOULD WANT._

Pedro scuttled along the edge of the console to where the Doctor was standing. He patted the Time Lord on the arm. _LET'S GO SIT DOWN_, he projected kindly, pointing toward the jump seat.

The Doctor let Pedro climb on his forearm before heading over to the jump seat. With a melancholy sigh, he threw himself down on it. Pedro slid off his arm and moved to sit next to him, leaving one tentacle in contact with the Doctor's arm to facilitate communication.

"It seems like it's been so long since she left," said the Doctor mournfully. "And really, barely any time has passed at all." He lifted Rose's shirt and rubbed it against his cheek sadly.

_WE MUST NOT LOSE HOPE,_ thought Pedro firmly.

"You're right," said the Doctor. "It's just…so hard." He sniffled and wiped a hand over his eyes as the song got to the needing-your-grace-to-find-my-own bit. "At least you're here, missing her with me," he said, placing a hand on Pedro's tentacle. "Don't know what I'd do without you." The Doctor leaned back and tilted his head up toward the ceiling. "I wrote another poem about her in my journal. I'll show it to you. I mean…if you want."

_ PERHAPS LATER. UM, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, _thought Pedro, _PLEASE REMIND ME—HOW LONG DOES YOUR SPECIES LIVE?_

The Doctor's face crumpled and he burst into tears. "Practically forever," he sobbed, throwing his arms around the Dalek.

_THERE, THERE_, thought Pedro patiently, hiding his own mental wince as he patted the Doctor on the back with a free tentacle. _THERE, THERE._

"You know," said the Doctor, once he was recovered enough to sniffle and wipe his eyes, "I hadn't noticed before, but you must have incorporated quite a bit of Rose's DNA."

_YES, THAT IS CORRECT. THE MUTATION HAS CONTINUED OVER TIME, ALTHOUGH ITS RATE HAS SLOWED SIGNIFICANTLY._

"It's just… You…you almost smell like her."

_UM…_ Pedro eyed him warily and tried to subtly scoot slightly farther away on the jump seat.

The Doctor turned to him with heartbroken eyes. "Do you think you might want to…" But he trailed off.

…_MIGHT WANT TO WHAT?_ Pedro prompted nervously.

"Well, maybe you could…put her hoodie back on?" The Doctor held up the shirt he had been fondling. "'Cause it's starting to lose her scent."

Pedro looked back and forth between the purple shirt that the Doctor was dangling hopefully in front of him and the broken eyes of the grief-stricken Time Lord. Finally, he stretched out a tentacle to take it. _FOR ROSE,_ he thought desperately. _FOR ROSE._

"Thank you," said the Doctor, tearing up again even as he leapt off of the seat. "I'll go get the mascara," he called as he raced from the room.

Pedro slowly pulled on the shirt as the TARDIS hurtled through the Time Vortex. Tapping in to the inherent stubbornness of his race, he braced himself for the difficult and trying road ahead. For Rose's sake, he would keep this ridiculous Time Lord company for all eternity, if he had to.

But as the Doctor came back bearing Rose's make-up and his journal of horrible emo poetry, Pedro reflected mournfully that reaching the end of eternity was probably going to take a long, long time.


	14. The Post-Epilogue Epilogue

**A/N: Written as a birthday present for helplesslynerdy, Pedro's official curator. Also, my apologies. Again.**

The streets were deserted, and there were signs of fighting everywhere. At a loss for divining the Daleks' master plan, the Doctor questioned Donna about the meaning of Rose's warning.

Donna just smiled. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

The Doctor turned, hardly daring to hope, and just like that, there she was.

_Rose._

Middle of the night, standing on an empty street corner. Her smile bloomed, bright as the sun, and without even realizing it, he was moving, running, racing toward her, and she was running toward him, and the only thing in time or space that mattered was a calculation of speed and distance, a figure ticking down until she was in his arms.

There was a burst of something smelling of transionic radiation and raspberries. Dimly, his brain recognized it as the activation of the TARDIS's tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator shielding, but neither he nor Rose saw anything but each other—at least not until the Dalek appeared from the shadowy alleyway.

In a panicked heartbeat, they both skidded to a stop, helpless to prevent the inevitable.

"EXTERMINATE!" The Dalek took aim at the Doctor and fired, but its shot bounced harmlessly off the shielding. A second later, Jack Harkness appeared out of thin air and destroyed it.

"Just in the nick of time," said Jack with a grin. Then he gestured to Rose. "Hey, Doc. Don't let me interrupt."

Rose tossed her gun to the ground just in time for the Doctor to sweep her up in a hug, spinning round and round.

"Rose, Rose, Rose," he cried joyously.

"Doctor!" she answered with shining eyes as he slowed their rotation and allowed her feet to touch down.

"Oh, Rose, my Rose," he breathed, as he cupped her face. "I've missed you."

"Me too," she whispered as he drew closer, fingers caressing her cheeks. Her hands slipped into his hair.

_SPLAT!_ An instant before their lips touched, a large, slimy mass struck them, knocking them both off balance and thoroughly interrupting the kiss.

"Pedro!" cried Rose happily. She let go of the Doctor and hugged her long-lost friend. "Oh, I've missed you, too!"

Scowling, the Doctor wiped a stray bit of goo off his face. "Oh, _brilliant_ timing, as always," he griped.

"ROSE," croaked Pedro, using his new inter-telepathy digital voice transference interface (an interface, the Doctor thought grumpily, that he himself had built for the ungrateful Dalek). "I AM VERY GLAD TO SEE YOU."

"Pedro! You can talk! Oh, you clever thing!" Rose swung Pedro around delightedly. "What will you think of next?"

"Now, wait a minute," started the Doctor, but the Dalek interrupted.

"ROSE," he said quickly, "I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF THE TIME LORD AS PER YOUR INSTRUCTIONS."

"Of course you have," said Rose, eyes shining. "Bless your heart."

"Oh, of all the—" the Doctor complained. "I don't _need_ looking after."

"I ACTIVATED THE SHIELDING PROGRAM," continued the Dalek, ignoring the Doctor, "SO AS TO PREVENT HIS DEATH. I ESTIMATE THAT THIS IS THE FIFTY-THIRD TIME I HAVE SAVED HIS LIFE."

Rose drew him closer in a little cuddle. "I knew I could count on you."

"Completely unnecessary," muttered the Doctor, kicking the tire of a nearby car. "At least half of those were completely unnecessary.

"FURTHERMORE, I HAVE BEEN MONITORING HIS SUGAR INTAKE. THERE HAVE BEEN OVER SEVENTY-FIVE JAM-BASED INFRACTIONS, TWENTY-SIX OF WHICH INVOLVED ORANGE MARMALADE."

"Bloody hell!" said the Doctor incredulously. "Have you been keeping track all this time? What, no other crimes you'd like to report? Leaving the milk out? Eating the last of the biscuits?"

"SINCE YOU MENTION IT," added Pedro, eyeing the Doctor, "THE TIME LORD HAS HAD MOUTH-ON-MOUTH INTERACTIONS WITH AT LEAST FOUR DIFFERENT FEMALES SINCE YOUR DEPARTURE."

"Oh really?" said Rose with a raised eyebrow at the Doctor.

"Oh, that's it!" With a tug, the Doctor pulled Pedro from Rose's arms and set him on the ground. He shook a finger in front of the Dalek's enormous eyeball. "We're going a round on this one, you horrible monstrosity! I've just got Rose back—was actually about to kiss her, no thanks to you. What on Earth are you going on about jam and other women for?"

"I ONLY REPORT THE FACTS," answered Pedro smugly. "DO YOU DENY THE CHUTNEY INCIDENT ON TRADIX 9?"

"Those facts are highly interpretive!" yelled the Doctor, tugging at his hair. "And I thought we agreed not to speak of Tradix 9 anymore—in fact, I'm fairly sure we shook on it!"

"NO, THAT WAS FOR YOUR ARREST ON THE JUBPO-DEX DELTA SPACE STATION FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY AFTER YOUR TROUSERS CAUGHT FIRE."

As the two of them worked themselves up into a right frenzy, Rose wandered over to say hello to Jack and Donna. After the hugs were done, she leaned back against the TARDIS beside her two friends and watched the Doctor and Pedro continue to argue.

"They always like that?" she asked.

Donna rolled her eyes. "Yeah."

"Pretty much," agreed Jack.

"Like an old married couple, the two of them," muttered Donna.

Rose observed the bickering for a moment, watching the identical way that arms and tentacles were waved in the air. "Still. It's sort of sweet."

Donna snorted. "Only for the first few minutes or so. Then I pull off a shoe and start smacking."

"Which one?" Jack wondered.

She shrugged. "Whichever one I can reach."

Rose snickered.

Several more minutes passed, during which many more jam-and-other-condiment-based accusations were thrown around. Eventually, with a "Fine!" and a "FINE!" they managed to reach some sort of understanding or at least a temporary cessation of hostilities.

As the Doctor swept toward the TARDIS, Jack straightened up. "So, Doc, what are we going to do about the—"

But the Doctor held up a hand to stop him. Before anyone else had a chance to speak, he grabbed Rose by the waist, tipped her back, and snogged the ever living daylights out of her.

Donna laughed, Jack wolf-whistled, and even Pedro made a sort of satisfied sighing noise. Then, they all stood around awkwardly as the kiss went on a bit longer than was strictly polite in the presence of company.

Finally, with a smacking sound, the Doctor released her. "There," he said, hair and eyes wild. "That'll do for now; there will be more kissing later. But first, let's go deal with the Dalek menace. The _other_ Dalek menace," he added, glaring at Pedro. He thrust open the doors to the TARDIS and started quickly up the ramp.

"I," he announced, "have had enough of Daleks in general, and these Daleks in particular, the grubby little planet-snatchers. We are going to find them and make them rue the day. Good word, rue. Rue. Ruuuue."

At the top of the ramp, he abruptly spun around. "Huh." He tapped a finger to his chin. "Does anyone else get the feeling that we've just mucked up a fixed point in time?"

When Rose, Donna, and Jack all shrugged, the Doctor frowned. Then, as he started back toward the console, he slipped in a patch of stray Dalek slime (no doubt the result of Pedro's hasty exit) and went head over heels. With a nasty sounding crack, he hit his head on the edge of the console.

"Doctor!" cried his three companions simultaneously as they rushed forward.

The Doctor blinked his eyes woozily and lifted a hand in front of his face to get a look at it. Almost instantly, golden light started to pour out from underneath his skin. From just under the console edge, Jack's disembodied-hand-in-a-jar started to rattle.

The Doctor observed this with a sigh. "Bloody self-correcting time stream. Ah well, at least I got to kiss her in this version."

-_-_-_Much later, on a beach in Norway (after the whole pesky bit with Davros)_ -_-_-

The sound of the TARDIS engines faded, and Rose stared at the print in the sand—all that was left of the time machine in this universe. Someone stepped beside her, and a hand slipped shyly into hers.

"I didn't get to say goodbye," Rose murmured. She turned to look at the Metacrisis Doctor, heart in her throat.

"I know. I…he…" He swallowed. "Rose, it was the best he could do."

She blinked away her tears. "Sure, of course. Would have been nice to say goodbye properly, though. To him, and…and Pedro, too." She wiped a hand over her face.

The Doctor tugged an ear. "We-ell, I might be able to help you there." He flipped open the pocket in the front of his blue suit, and after a moment, a tentacle curled up and over the edge.

"Pedro!" cried Rose as she and the Doctor helped extricate him from the extra-dimensional pocket space.

Pedro huffed and puffed as he climbed up her arm and onto her shoulder. "I HAVE DECIDED TO RELOCATE MY PRIMARY DOMICILE TO THIS UNIVERSE."

"But will the other Doctor be OK without you?" Rose wondered, sounding worried. She looked back at the space where the TARDIS had been.

The Doctor and Pedro exchanged a glance behind her back.

"DO NOT WORRY. HE'LL BE FINE," said Pedro, patting her arm reassuringly.

"Really?"

"Sure," said the Doctor bracingly. "He'll be…right as rain."

"BRIGHT EYED AND BUSHY TAILED."

"In the pink."

"HUNKY-DORY."

"Safe as houses, really."

Rose sniffled and wiped her eyes again. "You know you're both really shit liars, right?" She sighed. "Well, too late to do anything about it now."

"That's the spirit," said the Doctor, taking her hand again. "And just think what wonderful adventures we'll be able to have, the three of us."

"YES. WE COULD CONQUER THE WORLD AND SUBJUGATE THE POPULACE." When the Doctor and Rose stared at him, Pedro affected a shrug. "WELL, WE COULD."

"Er," said Rose, "let's keep that one on standby for now, yeah?"

"Oh, one last thing. I probably should have checked earlier, but…your flat." The Doctor rubbed a hand over the back of his neck again.

"What about it?" asked Rose.

The Doctor glanced at the Dalek on her shoulder. "Does it take pets?"

Pedro glared at him. "AS A FULLY SENTIENT AND SELF-ACTUALIZING LIFEFORM, I WOULD PREFER NOT TO BE REFERRED TO AS A 'PET.'"

"I think it does," said Rose lightly, ignoring Pedro. "But only up to 12 kilos. So Pedro should be OK." She tilted her head, considering the Doctor. "You on the other hand…"

"YOU CAN LIVE WITH JACKIE AND PETE."

Rose laughed, and the Doctor spluttered indignantly, and together, the three of them walked off into a bright and happy future.

THE END (And this time, I really mean it.)


End file.
